The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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