all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
