Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
