I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
