based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
