oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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