There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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