Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
