Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
