you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
