I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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