I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
