I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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