I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
