I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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