Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
