Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
