How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
