Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
