so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
