found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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