Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
