And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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