So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
