What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
