Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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