When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
