Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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