Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sobbing to NWA
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
