I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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