I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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