My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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