So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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