Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Terrible idea I love it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize