Umm I'm too high to move.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
