he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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