She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
