Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
