we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
