Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
