she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
