Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
