turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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