Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
