she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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