oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize