Just fell off a train. Bad.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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