I need to stop coming to work sober
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
