i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
