You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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