i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
