Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
