Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Soap is not a condiment
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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