The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
