I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
