He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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