It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
