one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
