I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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