The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
