It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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