you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
