Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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