THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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