i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
