when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
