if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
