Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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