The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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