I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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