happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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