I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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