Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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