The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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