You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
