I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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