Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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